I've been a bit MIA lately, an occasional post here and there which I attributed to a lack of ideas, imagination, God knows what. The truth is my brain has been in an atrophied stage to some extent for the last several months. The job that I raved about in this same forum a couple of years ago turned into a living nightmare starting about a year ago or so due to that lovely corporate word "reorganization". A term and practice that brings nothing but discord, tension & backstabbing. I hoped it would run its course, things would stabilize and we would go back to our lovely little happy selves. A fantasy if ever I heard one. Reorganization means complete overhaul and upheaval. Most of the people I started out with, who I enjoyed seeing every single day and even socializing with, regardless of whether they were company events, were let go or left with only a handful of the originals remaining. They were replaced with badly trained pit bulls and fire breathing dragons with little decency and regard for employees and absolutely no idea what teamwork meant. They didn't last long but the damage had been done, the top brass took on these same qualities. Replacements have been found, they seem like a definite improvement on the first bunch but the atmosphere remains the same and since the company hasn't been doing well the culture is that of fear and trepidation. I never knew when the wrath would fall on me for something as stupid as dropping a paper clip (exaggeration for dramatic purposes). A few months ago while driving to work I experienced what I can only describe as a panic attack, my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest and I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Who knows maybe I was having a mild heart attack, either way these symptoms became frequent, daily in fact. I would also wake up in the middle of the night with the same feelings which meant constant sleepless nights. This clearly had to stop.
I started to look for another job but it's hard when you have a job since you need to come up with all kinds of lies to interview. My anxiety escalated, I was in a constant state of panic. This doesn't bode well for...anything. I was miserable, made Frank miserable, looked miserable, you get my drift.
Then this week something glorious happened. I won the lottery! Kidding, I wish. Due to some uncomfortable situations, decisions and trumped up lies I was fired on Thursday. Friday was my last day. In my exit interview HR actually said "you seem 1000 pounds lighter". Yes, I am floating in fact. Driving out of that parking lot was pure ecstasy.
I will take a week to learn how to breathe again. Then its time for a reinvention. That's fine. I am free. While doing that I can spend more time with this little munchkin,
which brings me tremendous joy. I will cook more, garden more, write more (you'll be sick of me).
My first day of full freedom is a rainy Saturday, usually a downer in the Summer, not today. I couldn't be happier. Can't wait for the dreaded Monday!
As always, thank you for indulging me.